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The contents of this page is GAY oriented. If you're NOT GAY or GAY Positive don't bother reading further - have fun reading pages found elsewhere. This page doesn't contain any nude photographs either.

If you go any further you will be confirming that it's either because you meet one of the above criterion or you know you are gay and just doesn't know how to come out - like myself. Good luck to you.

Many people have told me they know gay men living in Malta. I have yet to meet one (except myself). There was, just recently a gay Australian lawyer who came here to Malta and published something called 'Il-pagni r-Roza' [The Pink Pages]. He was interviewed in the news media and there were many things he said I didn't particularly agree with (I can't remember what) but then, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I would however have felt a lot more comfortable had he been residing here (and not in Australia).

It's easy for him to say what he said, he doesn't live here. He doesn't have to live in such a small, close(t)ly knit (non-gay) community where everyone knows everyone else. And, where the walls although 6 inch thick limestone, are paper thin.

The heat in the summer-time gets unbearable so windows need to be opened. When they are, your neighbours can hear you jerking-off imagine then, if I had a lover.

So, why should any of this bother me. Well, I'm not out (actually I'm back in) and I also enjoy my privicy.

On the other hand...

I recently had a couple of buddies, gay friends of a gay friend, visit Malta. They called me and I was happy to show them around. Them being here brought back some memories. Memories of when I WAS out. As we drove around the different towns and cities we spoke of gay life here in Malta and in Canada, things I do for work and for pleasure and, as we exchanged glances with other men and with ourselves we went thru the guessing game of "Is he or isn't he". They've returned to Canada now and I'm back here wondering whether I'm the only, knowing damn well I ain't (there was Kinsey and there was Johnson - are these old stats - afterall).

In the end (pardon the punn) I am too effin chicken (not in age). I don't have the guts (and yes I suppose I lack the PRIDE). It's just too small a place and I'm sure those of you are not so far out you don't care anymore or you just never did, will understand what my head goes thru when one the one hand a tiny voice says open those closet doors wide whilst another voice is asking 'why?'.

I have come out to my best friend here (he really is NOT gay but very gay positive) and to his lover. He is very understanding and has been very supportive. Without him to whom I can open up I don't know what I would do.

What makes it even more difficult for me is the fact that back in the mid and late-seventies I was out. It was the thing to do in those days. I hadn't had any worries. I was on my own and lived in the big T.O. (Toronto) away from my family.

I was in those day very involved in the Community Homophile Association of Toronto (CHAT) and the Convener of the Gay Youth of Toronto (GYT). Organising the Gay Pride Week activities for Toronto back in I think 1974, wasn't such a big thing for me - Toronto has come a long way since.

I was involved with the Canadian Union of Postal Workers and responsible for the inclusion of 'sexual orientation' in the contract and constitution as well heavy lobbying for that inclusion in the Ontario Federation of Labour and the Canadian Labour Congrss.

I guess I've regressed instead of progressed.

What I look for and dream of in life these days is to meet other gay men in Malta, with whom I can share my thoughts and feelings and, if the right one comes along - my life. If I do, I might get back the feeling of Pride which I once had and somehow lost in that dark closet in my mind.

e-mail to gaymalta is always welcome at [email protected]

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